Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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