Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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