my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
