I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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