You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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