i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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