Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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