how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
