I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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