He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
