Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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