i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
