Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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