Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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