Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
