I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
