you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
