Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
