chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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