I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
