I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize