ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
