Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
