I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
