dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
