Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
