So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
