By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize