do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
