the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize