I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize