You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
