I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
