We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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