Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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