his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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