Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
