turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
