its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
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