i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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