look no pants
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
