Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
