Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
