Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
