the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
