My cat gives me a boner
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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