No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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