I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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