Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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