Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
