Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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