my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
