Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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