we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize