i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
be right there i have to get my cape
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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