I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Is Oprah even human
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
