dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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