Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
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