Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
These tits shall not be calmed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize