Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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