if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize