yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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