DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize