No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize