It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
