My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
