I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
