I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
