proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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