I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
